I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
