If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
