I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would ride that face into the sunset
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
