He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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