I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
