I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
