loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
