he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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