i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
