I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
