It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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