You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
