I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
