I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
