you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The beer is more important than you right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
