Dual....:-)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
