Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
