I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
