i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
only you would photoshop your dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
