That's intense
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
