i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
