Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just had sex on a roof
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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