She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
