I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
