when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
