She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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