I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
