so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
