Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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