Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
