Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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