Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
your thong is hanging out like whoa
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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