The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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