mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
