Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
