So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
