All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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