Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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