i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
