One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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