my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
