He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
