Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
