ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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