she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
