Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
