I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
