Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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