woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
