hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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