loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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